I’ve been taking stock of myself lately but not in the depressing way where you feel a bit forced to self-evaluate for reasons that are beyond your control, for example aging, family problems, or financial woes. None of those things are on my mind, instead my mind is filled with thoughts of something of greater significance.

Here’s the deal, I’ve been a baptized member of my church for 9 years. I’m proud of my decision to get baptized, I believe it’s the single most important decision that I’ve made in my life. I don’t take all the credit. Of course my friends worked really hard to bring me to the valley of decision, and the church members were so kind and nurturing, and we cannot forget the powerful experience with the Holy Spirit that drove me to the point of recognizing that I am a sinner in need of a savior. And here I am, 9 years later, still committed, even after folks said I wouldn’t stay. Here I am, 9 years later, even after so many of the people that I loved in the church moved away. Here I am 9 years later; even after the pastor who baptized me had to move on to shepherd other churches. Here I am, 9 years later, asking myself “why do I stay?”

I ask this question because I have grown exhausted of the dragging monotony of Sabbath service. I have grown weary of interchurch politics. I’m tired of seeing people sleeping in the sanctuary while spiritual persons of God preach their hearts out. I’m tired of dead Sabbath services. I’m tired of seeing God’s visionaries hampered, delayed and destroyed. I’m tired of religion getting in the way of spirituality. I’m tired of seeing youth sitting curb side while adults try to turn back the hands of time; all the way to the 1800s. I’m tired seeing youth leave the church. I’m tired of debates about jewelry, music, drums, tattoos, the illuminati, free masons, praise dance (signing), hip hop, television and so on. I’m tired of folks saying we need to return to that old time religion, and I’m tired of folks saying we need to be more progressive.

This cesspool of adjectives is how I describe my Christian experience after 9 years: exhausted, weary, and tired… why would someone remain in a circumstance that makes them feel these things?

This question has been on my mind for at least a couple months now and it’s a jarring (to affect disagreeably) question because I’m not sure what it is that I am asking myself. Am I asking myself to leave? No, not exactly. What I am asking is why do I stay?

The operative word in the question is stay? And the context of the question is, “why do you stay when things aren’t the way you want them to be?” “Why do you stay when your emotions about being here have turned negative?”

It took me a couple of months but I thank God for this question because I understand now why I stay, and I understand why folks leave. Folks leave because these feelings can be overwhelming, and when one is feeling overwhelmed and disconnected, leaving becomes a coping mechanism. Our Christian experience should not be filled with dread and disillusionment, but it often is.

When we are feeling overwhelmed with our Christian experience if we don’t face that reality with purpose and clarity we will either leave, or stay and wreak havoc. You ever wonder why some of the members of the church who have been there for 20 some-odd years come across as bitter and generally unhappy? I’ve met so many of them. And it seems to me that these folks have not cried it out with God and asked Him what is going on with me…

So why do I stay? I stay because Christ’s values are now my values; I personally own His statutes and deeply honor His commandments. I stay because I still profoundly believe in His plan of salvation and I honor His commitment to that plan. I stay because I continue to see His vision for my future by looking at what He has delivered me from in my past. I stay because He has started a work in me and I’m looking forward to Him completing it. I stay because the only beauty I know in life is Christ and I am marvelously drawn to that beauty. I stay because words like faith, hope, grace, deliverance and victory have meaning in His presence. I stay because in Him I am alive.

I suppose it’s important for Christians to evaluate their reasons for staying, because it’s for certain that your reasons for staying will be checked and challenged at some point. It’s a bitter experience, but well worth it, if you’d only stay.

Psalms 18:16-18

He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me. They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay.

Job 14:14 ...all the days of my appointed time will I wait, till my change come...

I think the last time we shot a frame of footage for The Baptism of Chloe Foy was in late August. You can imagine my frustration. It's the end of November and I always hoped we would be finished by now, instead we've probably shot about 20% of the movie, and some of that will need to be re-shot.

Between August and now, it's been long stays in the hospital, antibiotics, scary misdiagnoses, decisions about surgery, a threatened pregnancy, a very active one year old son, and seriously, every distraction that could be thrown my way.

I'm old fashioned in that I'm one of those Christians who still believe that there are enemies in the unseen world that attack us when we're on the move for the Lord. There's something about this ministry that irritates the enemy. Perhaps it's the fact that we're trying to focus on strengthening the spirituality of the youth which is in direct conflict with what the enemy wants for the youth. Or maybe the enemy feels cinema is a territory that he wants all to himself. I don't know for sure.

Whenever a filmmaker sets out to make a project I suppose that there is always one scene that sets everything in motion for them. For me, it's scene 8. In my opinion this scene is long and boring, but that is the point. It's meant to bring home the fact that Chloe struggles to get her mother's attention and she is bored with her current life. So in a sense, we go into Chloe's world and feel what she feels. Her days are long and there is no excitement at all.

Boredom, especially for a young person is a powerful and deceptive force. When young folks don't have constructive activities to do, positive events to attend, and fill their time with things that will uplift them in an engaging way, they will seek the opposite of boredom, which is often called "fun". There's nothing more tormenting for a young person then to feel that they are being deprived of "fun".

I remember when my younger sister was in her late teens and how she reacted to being bored. When she announced to the household that she was bored, which she so often did, it was a warning that she was about to get into some mischief. It was a message to the other people in the house that we were failing at our duty to make sure she was having constant "fun". And if we neglected that duty, then she would take matters into her own hands.

This would often lead to her getting in trouble with my mother. And when you asked my little sister, why did you do it, she would say, "I was bored".

In a way, young people are entitled to an interesting and exciting life. The real problem is we allow everything outside our households to dictate what "fun" is. Young people develop their idea of "fun" from the entertainment industry and from their peers. When and how do we weight in?

Many parents think "fun" is not a priority so they try to jostle and wrestle their children away from the idea of "fun" by telling them how horrible and sinful "fun" is. Many parents opt to shelter their children from "fun" in order to keep them from developing an appetite for it.

Here's the problem, a sheltered child is more apt to have "fun" when they are out of our site than a child who's learned to process "fun" for what it is and then make a healthy choice to avoid "fun". Another point is, when "fun" is not a priority for a parent, but it is for a child, therein lies the breakdown in communication between parent and child.The Bible says: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Amos 3:3...

We would do well if we helped our young people experience "fun" as defined by a Christian and help them understand for themselves that "fun" as defined by the world is spiritually destructive. And I know this is very hard to do, and I hope I don't sound as if I'm over simplifying the task. But our children are here now, and we're their guides, and at times we're their spiritual eyes and ears, so we must be up to the task, remembering always that greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world.

The Baptism of Chloe Foy - Scene 8 from Clarence McCall on Vimeo.

This is an incomplete edit of the second half of scene 8. There are audio problems, color correction problems and we're still tweeking the edit here and there. I just wanted to post it for your perusal... Enjoy.

Blessings...

Clarence

Stamina, stick-to-itiveness, endurance, resilience, intestinal fortitude... You have no idea what those words mean until you strive to build a film ministry. Literally, for me, it's been six years. That's not a lifetime, but it has been a trying time.

A lot of energy has been exhausted on trying to explain that a film ministry could be an effective witnessing tool, especially to this media hungry 21st century generation. A lot of energy has been exhausted on trying to gather the right personnel and the right equipment. And a lot of energy has been exhausted on the effort to get the word out that we exist.

Sometimes I look back at the last six years and say we should have made a film every year. Sometimes I look back and review all the potholes and obstacles, failed efforts and false starts, missteps and missed opportunities and I wonder why I carry on. But it's not a sad kind of wondering, nor is it a woe-is-me kind of wondering, but it's more like a review of faith kind of wondering.

Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen."

I carry on because of the unyielding, undying, unbending, unturning (okay, I made that last one up) faith that I have in this ministry. That coupled with a deep sense of mission at times is all that I have left in the world.

There are times when I don't have the right personnel, and I don't have the right equipment, and I don't have the support of folks around me, and literally all I have left is my faith in God's word and what He is able to do... I and God constitute a majority.

So like Noah I will move with fear to build this ministry, and continue to preach about what we can't yet see... it might save my household. Like Moses, I will reject the privileges and pleasures of Egypt esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches. Like Enoch I desire to please God. Like Abel I desire to offer a better sacrifice. And like all the elders I desire to obtain a good report. Without faith it is impossible to please Him.

We didn't raise all the money that we needed to finish the film, but in faith we carry on. We don't have all the personnel we need, so in faith we carry on. We don't have all the equipment we need, nevertheless, in faith we carry on. We don't have all the locations needed, again, in faith, we carry on. And we will continue to carry on, in faith, until we hear the desired words, "well done thou Good and faithful servant... enter thou into the joy of thy Lord."

Blessings...

This is an article that I published on the old Chloe Foy website and I thought it would be proper to republish it here in that it speaks to the heart of this mission.

A portrait of a family on the precipice of a great divide… I suppose there is not a deeper or more meaningful divide than one that is religious, and it’s never more personal than when that religious divide works its way between a parent and child.

When a child becomes an adult and begins to express values that are wholly different from their parents and decidedly different from their upbringing, a panic naturally comes to the fore for the parent. Sometimes that panic causes us to rush to judgment, and then we try to fix what we perceive is broken with biblical condemnation. Worst of all, we try to parent our 18 year old the way we would have when they were 10. It’s like we forget that our children are people who need to be witnessed to. The fact that they grew up in church does not guarantee that they grew up in the Lord. The fact that we diligently enforced their attendance to church doesn’t mean that they have cultivated a desire to go.

It’s a trying time for a parent when our children make choices that darken their spirituality but we must remember that the same Holy Spirit that called you out of darkness into His marvelous light is still on the job. Hallelujah.

It would be a revolution in the experience of young people growing up in the church if we could figure out how to show them that Christianity is more than the “don’t do this”, “don’t do that”, “don’t go here”, “don’t wear that”, “don’t listen to this”, “don’t watch that”, “don’t feel like this”, “don’t question that”, kind of religion we often peddle…

I’m praying that we can begin to move in the direction of devoting our conversation and resources toward explanations and alternatives. We have to learn to articulate God’s plan for life and salvation in a manner that our youth will respond to, and this is our collective burden in this generation.

Logically the algorithm is this, if we can’t reach the children we have reared in the church, then we won’t be able to reach the children who were not raised in the church. Time is running out for us to get this one right. There are youth out there that are growing up without the hope and understanding of Christ and as a result they lead self destructive lives: drug abuse, promiscuity, teenage pregnancy, misogyny, materialism and occult involvement… and I know many of these things affect church youth. But that’s the point, if we can’t work with the youth that we raised, how can we work with other youth? Or let me ask this another way. Why would God do the spiritual work needed to reach youth in the secular world if we have not yet reached the youth in our church families?

In the October 2009 edition of Adventist World President Jan Paulsen wrote an article titled Why Do They Walk Away?, subtitled, keeping youth and young adults engaged in the church must be one of our highest priorities. In fact, President Paulsen is so concerned about youth leaving the church that he referred to it as an “exodus that distresses him deeply.”

I too am deeply distressed with this exodus. I am also deeply distressed with the overall spiritual state of youth in general. If you are too, please let’s continue to pray for them, let’s continue to advocate for them, let’s continue to encourage their spiritual growth, and finally, let us never give up on them.

Blessings...